This past week, I published the monthly “TED* Letter” electronic newsletter entitled “Learning Intent: The Key to Effective Challenger.” Several readers commented on it – including Ceci Miller, my friend and editor/consultant on The Power of TED*. Ceci sent the following email in which she shares a great preventive practice that helps her relate to others as a Challenger, rather than a Persecutor:
I love this issue of the newsletter…! Have been dancing with Challenger/Persecutor for many years, and really like your suggestions at the end for their ability to encourage constructive change in the future (by re-examining past actions and doing self-inquiry that helps us improve interactions going forward).
I thought it might also be useful to share one way that I practice this now that I’m leading two large administrative teams… It’s a preventative approach: before sending an email to someone whose behavior has been unskillful or counterproductive in a meeting (or in previous email interactions) I look hard to find something constructive they are already doing, that I can encourage, help them to build on, and request more of. Once I find it, it’s easy to put the focus there, rather than on what they did that was counter to their now-obvious positive intention. The results in rapport — and in our ability to work together harmoniously thereafter — are quite magical!
Great Challenger practice, Ceci – thanks!