TED* Thoughts

One of the misconceptions about adopting a Creator Orientation is that this way of being is somehow always “goodness and light.” We can only wish that it were so!

While anxiety (or fear) is the primary motivational energy of the Victim Orientation, making the shift to a more empowered way of living does not mean an end to this most human of feelings and emotion.  But it does mean that our relationship and response to it can grow.

Years ago, a participant in a workshop for staff and volunteers of a chemical dependency and alcoholism unit of a local hospital made a declaration that has stayed with me.  The workshop that I was co-facilitating was entitled “Creating Recovery.”  As the participant stood to share what he wanted out of the day-long experience, he said: “I want to live this way while learning to dance with the anxiety.”

Dancing with the anxiety. 

That is what I am doing today – and experience many days.  Donna and I are preparing for a 2-week journey to India (which, I am certain, will provide much fodder for future blogs!).  As our departure looms, the list of tasks needing to be accomplished before we go seems to grow, rather than diminish.

Yet all of the tasks are baby steps in service to envisioned outcomes I care passionately about creating.  “Can I get it all done?”  “What will happen if something falls through the cracks?”  “What is the most important thing to focus on?”  All these questions – this self talk – is related to the anxiety I feel in the process of creating while preparing for what we anticipate will be an amazing journey.

However, rather than reacting to the anxiety in ways that constrict or immobilize, the key is to channel that energy into “taking the next step” in the dance – the process – of creating.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

We create by taking “baby steps”- those everyday actions we take to bring into manifestation our envisioned outcomes.  That is the way of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) and its antidote way of being that stands in contrast to the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT).

The baby steps we take can be as simple as making a phone call; having a particular conversation; reading an article or chapter in a book; talking with a Coach; gathering information – anything that furthers action toward an outcome.

When we take a baby step, one of three things will happen: 

1. We make forward progress – The step we take is a positive step in the direction of the outcome.  This helps build momentum and may help us further clarify the vision and/or the way forward.
2. We take a step “backwards” – Sometimes the steps take do not produce the forward progress we envisioned or hoped for.  (For instance, an important conversation may not have gone the way we anticipated that it would.)  Even a “step back” can provide important learning and information about what next steps to take. 
3. We experience a “quantum leap” – We never know when a baby step will propel us forward in ways we could not have anticipated and would not have occurred had we not taken the step.  Doors open; serendipity and synchronicity show up; breakthroughs happen. 

Regardless of which of these three possibilities result from our baby steps, each contributes to clarifying and creating our envisioned outcomes.

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 “TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

It must be Jennifer Waldron week here on “TED* Thoughts!”  Last night, she sent an email (thanks!) with the link to a most inspiring video of Nick Vujicic – which has been making its way around the internet.  (Only watch it when you can both laugh and cry!)

It reminds me of a quote included in The Power of TED*: “What determines your destiny is not the hand you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.”

Nick clearly faces the lifelong Challenger of the physical “hand” he was dealt and could have easily “folded” and legitimately lived out his life as a Victim and from the Victim Orientation.  Instead, he clearly has responded as a Creator and inspired adopting a Creator Orientation in others!

Many of us are holding and facing less-than-ideal “hands we’ve been dealt” these days.  Whether it is effects if the economy; health challenges; relationship challenges; or whatever – how we play the hand depends on how we play life.  Is it Victim or Creator?

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Shortly before the original publication of the first edition of The Power of TED*, I learned about the “other TED.” (Actually, at the time, there were two others – one was the ill-fated discount airline carrier of United Airlines.)

The other TED is absolutely awesome!

TED is an acronym for Technology, Entertainment and Design, which started as an annual conference for leading-edge thinkers in those three areas – and beyond – way back in 1984! Its’ tag line is “ideas worth spreading.”

While I have not had the opportunity to attend one of these premier conferences (though I know a number of individuals who have), I have taken the time to view a wide range of videos that are posted on their site.

One of my favorites – and a favorite of many (over 1.25 million views on YouTube alone!) – is Jean Bolte Taylor’s “Stroke of Insight.”  Her story is both fascinating and a supreme example of one who could have easily reacted to her experience as a Victim, yet was clearly in a Creator Orientation (and a scientist mindset), who learned from the Challenger that was her stroke.

Jean – and TED – reminds us that sharing our stories, our insights, and our “ideas worth spreading” is what being Co-Creators is all about!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

 This past weekend, I found myself thinking about Jennifer’s comment on last week’s “TED* Behind Bars” post – especially her statement about “my own personal prison.” 

Over and over, I have seen this in my own life and in my coaching of others.  It is especially true for those of us whose primary role in the Dreaded Drama Triangle is that of Rescuer. 

How many times have leaders/managers complained about how overworked and out of work-life balance they are?  Way too many!  As we explore deeper, it is often the case that the have become prisoners (or Victims) of their own making by becoming the “go to person” or “chief fire fighter” or just the “expert” who has seen it all and knows it all.  Over time, the system becomes dependent on their playing the Rescuer (or hero) with all the answers by their employees and/or others they work around.

During this exploration, I will ask what the hoped-for payoff is for being the Rescuer, which is often connected to being seen as important, helpful or (again) the hero.   Then we look at the unintended consequences of playing this role.  This is where they come to see how they have bred dependency – and with everyone now dependent upon them, the pressures and weight of always having to be there becomes their “own personal prison.”

The way to escape this particular prison is to shift into the Coach role of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) and to be helpful in facilitating others’ clarification and discernment of how to respond to situations and create their own outcomes. (For more on this, see last month’s “TED* Letter” newsletter). 

BTW, this is also true in family dynamics.  Being the “fixer of others” can become another context for constructing our “own personal prison.”

 Thanks, Jennifer, for the provocative (Challenger) comments!

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 ”TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Kathy found a great blog my Marelisa entitled “How to Build Your Tribe – Finding ‘Your People.’  It is a great reminder that, as a Creator, connecting with a community of practice or other co-creators that share similar passions is an important practice.

I am going to let her blog serve as a source of reflection.

Thanks, Marelisa!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Last week, a conversation during a consulting engagement involved the expressed need to “create a sense of urgency” for implementing change.  The nature of urgency is something that I have thought a lot about over the years and I shared my perspective with my clients.

As I do with virtually every coaching or consulting situation, I had already shared the Problem and Outcome orientations, which are referred to as the Victim Orientation and Creator Orientation in The Power of TED*. 

The Problem/Victim mindset is a problem-focused; anxiety-based and reactive way of being.  Alternatively, the Outcome/Creator Orientation is outcome-focused; passion-motivated and creative.

Years ago, while conducting a leadership development program, a conversation ensued about the place of urgency in the orientations.  My initial response was to connect urgency to anxiety, since there is very often a sense of urgency to react to the problems that elicit that emotional response.  Someone in the group then asked whether urgency could also exist in the Outcome Orientation.

That question served as a Challenger to my assumption that urgency and anxiety were synonymous. 

Over several months, I mulled over that question from time-to-time.  Then one day it occurred to me that it might be wise to actually look up the word “urgency” is the dictionary.  The resolution to my dilemma was found in the root word of “urgency,” which is the word “urge,” as in the urge to create!

The insight for me was that urgency can be either anxiety or passion based. 

In sharing that perspective with my clients, I asked which quality of urgency they wanted to foster.  Anxiety-based urgency leads to reactivity, but rarely – if ever – results in sustainable change.  The sense of urgency to create an envisioned outcome about which we care passionately has a much higher probability of leading to sustainable change and manifested outcomes.

Of course, they chose passion…

When you experience urgency, where is it usually rooted: in anxiety or passion?

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Arriving in the mail today was a letter from Ron, a federal prisoner with whom I have corresponded off-and-on for over four years, and who signed his letter “TED* behind bars.” 

His is an amazing story and, as far as I can discern, he is a model inmate.  Before being transferred to the facility in which he is now incarcerated, Ron presented a 10-week class on The Power of TED* three different times (he also has taught a number of GED and for-credit classes).  He has also earned an Associate’s degree, with the plan to earn is Bachelor’s degree upon release and to become a youth drug counselor. 

In today’s letter, he wrote:

“Being in prison gives plenty of time for introspection, and I must have replayed my life a million times – looking for the origin of my criminal thinking.  If you peel away the layers, the Victim Orientation is at the root.  When I widen my focus… you find the DDT (Dreaded Drama Triangle) footprint everywhere!”

In a letter last year he also made the following observation that serves as important food-for-thought:

“Another thing I’ve learned – prison is not limited to institutions, because I was imprisoned long before I came there!  I am so glad of the unique circumstances that brought TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) into my life.  Quick recap: I read a book called Codependent No More and there was a line about Mr. (Stephen) Karpman.  So I asked my mom to look him up and she sent me TED*. I guess the rest is history… and the future! J”

We can so easily imprison ourselves in our daily dramas.  The key to unlocking the cell and emerging into the freedom of choice is to make the shift – as Ron has – from the DDT to TED*.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This weekend, Donna, her children, their partners and I will be hiking and camping along the Washington Pacific coast and into the Hoh Rainforest.  This is an outing that she has envisioned over the past year as a way of celebrating a certain significant birthday of hers that is coming up next month (I will not mention which decade she ventures into, but it is definitely a milestone).

What inspires me about her choice is that she is meeting the Challenger of aging – as all of us who comprise the Baby Boomer cohort are – as a time to learn, grow and test limits.  Rather than seeing age as a Persecutor, she welcomes with grace the realities of effects if time, while reaching for new ways to create health and wellness and vitality.

Happy Birthday (soon), Sweetie – let’s take a hike! (And thanks for the inspiration!)

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 “TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This week I am again privileged to serve as a Coach in the University of Notre Dame’s Executive Integral Leadership Program.  This is the 8^th year for my involvement through my association with The Leadership Circle.  I will sit with 5 Executive MBA students to debrief their Leadership Circle Profile – a powerful 360-degree feedback tool in which they gain insight into how they are perceived as a leader by those around them.

Experience shows that many – if not most – will take in this feedback through the filter of the Victim (or Reactive) Orientation.  For them, the perspectives contained in the Profile will reveal a set of “problems to solve.”  As described in The Power of TED*, in this mindset we focus on problems, which engage our anxiety and causes us to react.  The reactions will range from defensiveness to anger to fear that they are not effective – and they will want to do action planning to “fix” the flaws they see.

There will also be a handful who take in this precious information as a Creator, filtered through the Creator (or Creative) Orientation.  For them, they will see the feedback as a “snapshot in time” of what lies in the waking of their leading.  This picture of current reality will provide perspective on their strengths and what supports their leading, as well as what is inhibiting their effectiveness.  They will want to action plan in ways that continue to leverage the strengths, as well as plan for “baby steps” to enhance their effectiveness.

When you receive feedback – invited or not – how to take it in and respond?  As a Creator, honestly and candidly understanding current reality is vital for planning for action.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!