TED* Thoughts

Our friend, Carol Winkler is creator of the weekly “Inspired Athlete” blog.  They are always touching and usually… well, inspiring!

Her latest featured Dan Weldon, the young racecar driver who was tragically killed in an awful multi-car crash.  In quoting a colleague of Weldon’s who observed that “he left (others) with his kindness, his spirit,” Carol used this tragedy to highlight an important question to ponder:

What are we leaving people with, through our interactions with them?

As she asks us to reflect, “Do we leave them with our kindness… or our impatience?  With our humor… or our righteousness?  With our respect… or our distain?”

I would add: do we leave them with drama or hope, empowerment and possibility?  Do we approach them as a Victim who needs our Rescuing or do we treat them as the inherent Creators that they are as support them as a Challenger and/or a Coach?

Each interaction we have with others has an impact.  What is creating in the wake of your ways of relating with others? What are you leaving them with?

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly (at least most of the time). It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Karpman Drama Triangle (or the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT} ™) to TED* (* The Empowerment Dynamic) ™.  Please help spread TED* through sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

I’ve been putting off writing this blog for too long.  Or is it that I have been patient?  Sometimes there is a fine line between the two.

The idea of this topic first arose several weeks ago.  Then a great suggestion for A Challenger Practice came along, followed by the July 4^th US holiday’s Declaration of Interdependence and, then, last week the space shuttle launch brought to mind Creating the Impossible.  So now the time has come – it’s ripe.

The tension between patience and procrastination is one that we face as a Creator. 

Lord knows I can put things off.  I can think of several projects around the house that await my moving beyond procrastination.  One of these days…

On the other hand, the practice of patience is a discipline that can be central to the process of creating.  Right timing can make a huge difference between taking a baby step that forwards progress and acting too quickly in ways that result in moving away from an intended outcome. 

Think of a gardener tending their rosebushes.  To procrastinate watering or pruning may mean that the rose never buds, let alone blooms.  On the other hand, to be impatient when the bud appears and to pry the bud open to hasten its blossom will only kill it before its time.

The best gardeners are both proactive and patient – and savor the results of their tending and waiting.  And we are all gardeners in our own ways.

The definition of patience is, in itself, a great reminder.  Patience is “the capacity for waiting: the ability to endure waiting, delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faces with difficulties.” 

When it comes to patience, all I can do is practice, practice, practice.  But it is a discipline around which I choose not to procrastinate. 

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Most of the time, “TED* Thoughts” offers ideas and applications of the ways of thinking, interacting and taking action contained in The Power of TED* that are sparked from my own direct experience, musings or inquiries.  Other times it focuses on current events or topics.

Our news is full of stories that hang on the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™ and the interplay of the Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer roles.  It is much more rare to see news stories in which we can point to TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™ being implicitly described.   This is one of those times.

Over the past several weeks, the story of Michael Vick’s shift from a Persecutor and Victim to a Challenger and Creator has come to our attention.  (For those who are reading this from outside the U.S., Michael Vick is a talented and successful star in American football – and he has a checkered past, described below.)

I have been so taken by this story that we released the following news release today:

David Emerald, author of The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) commends Michael Vick’s partnership with the Humane Society of the United States—calling the relationship a “shift from the drama triangle into personal, community and cultural empowerment.”

NFL star Michael Vick was sentenced to prison for 23 months in 2007 for bankrolling and participating in a dog-fighting ring. Upon release Vick reached out to the US Humane Society to request participation in programs to eradicate dog fighting in America. Initially rejecting his overtures, the two have formed an unlikely partnership.

Wayne Pacelle president and CEO of the Humane Society publicly supported the judicial action that led to Vick’s incarceration. However, Pacelle began to shift his thinking about Vick and decided that with his participation, Vick could be an “agent for change.”

“We are culturally socialized once we judge someone as a persecutor to keep them there,” says Emerald, who compliments Pacelle for being able to move beyond Vick as a persecutor of animals to agreeing to work with him by seeing an opening for redemption through forgiveness and co-creating a forum where positive changes became possible. Vick now teaches youth the consequences of his own poor choices, and that it is possible to rise above cultural conditioning and change attitudes, which Emerald calls a shift from a victim orientation to a creator orientation.

“This is great on so many levels. Vick made a shift from being a victim of his own choices, and potentially feeling persecuted for his incarceration, to a creator through personal empowerment which is fertile ground for leading to a shift in cultural attitudes and conditioning,” explains Emerald.

This example of rising above what Emerald calls the DDT (Dreaded Drama Triangle) where the victim, persecutor and rescuer role are perpetuated) and stepping into the TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic where roles shift from drama to creator, coach, and challenger) is a movement that Emerald has spearheaded to promote empowerment, facilitating personal, business and cultural shifts by moving from toxic emotional paradigms into improving the human potential and relationships through co-creating sustainable outcomes. 

We would love to help spread the word of similar stories of individuals, organizations or communities that demonstrate the shift from the DDT to TED.  Please email me (david@powerofTED.com) with any stories or examples that we can share with others.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This stuff takes persistence.  That is the essence of the observation that David Dadian, long-time advocate and applier of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™ shared in a phone conversation this week.   

David has been an occasional contributor to “TED* Thoughts” and has been using TED* as CEO of his business, a loving parent of his autistic son (see his article on how TED* has contributed to his parenting), and most recently as an assistant coach of a high school hockey team.

He was recounting to me an interaction he was having that day with a friend and colleague who was experiencing the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™ in his life.  His friend had read The Power of TED* previously, which David reminded him about, and served as a Challenger by reminding his that making the shift from Victim to Creator is a day-to-day practice.  In challenging and supporting his friend, he told him that “even the author of the book has shared with me that he is daily challenged with staying focused as a Creator.”

So true.  I am.  The old adage that “we teach what we most need to learn” fits for me in this work.  To paraphrase one of the Wright Brothers’ passionate statements about the possibility of flight:

“I don’t know if living consistently from a Creator Orientation is possible – but I am committed to its possibility.”

And that takes persistence and perseverance.  Persistence is a daily discipline of a Creator.  Persistence is defined as “the quality of continuing steadily despite problems or difficulties.”

The most persistence practice, as David declared in our conversation, is to ask: “What do I want?”  (Or, in a group or relationship, “What do we want?”) 

What do I/we want to create?  How do I/we choose to respond to difficulties or problems that arise?  When I find myself slipping back into complaining or the drama of life – into a Victim Orientation – what choice can I make so that “shift happens” into more empowering and resourceful responses?

Placing our focus on what we want to create or how we choose to respond – at home, at work, in all our relationships – is what it means to be persisting as a Creator.  It is that simple – and not at all always easy.

Over time, that persistence does “pay off!”

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This past weekend was one of relaxation and recovery from the marathon month of September (two weeks in India; one week co-facilitating an intense train-the-trainer; and last week’s coaching at Notre Dame). 

One of the ways of relaxing for me is watching American football – both college and professional.  In college, I am partial to the “Bucks and Ducks” (Ohio State Buckeyes and University of Oregon Ducks).  While not as avid a fan in the pros, I certainly follow the local Seattle Seahawks.

A couple weeks ago, our good friend and Creator of Inspired Athletes, Carol Winkler, wrote a wonderful blog about Seattle’s new head coach, Pete Carroll (unfortunately, they lost – but Pete knows how to face a Challenger).

Whether a sports fan or not, Pate’s philosophy – along with Carol’s commentary – and focus (he is quoted as saying “My focus goes to how things could look and turn good.”) is an inspiring reminder for how we lead our own lives and how we lead in our work and families. 

Below is most of Carol’s blog.  I invite you to read the whole entry at: http://www.inspiredathletes.com/blog/index.php?mode=viewid&post_id=97.

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As newly hired head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, Pete Carroll faces a daunting challenge – transforming a team that has won only six of its last eighteen games into a playoff caliber winner.

Despite the difficulty of his task, Pete remains positive and upbeat. Anyone who knows him will tell you that his relentless optimism is authentic and classic Pete Carroll. It’s not just what he says, it’s how he lives.

Today’s Real Zeal words were spoken by Pete in an interview prior to the start of the season: “I live my life thinking something good is just about to happen to me. I don’t think things are going to go bad. My focus goes to how things could look and turn good.”

How many of us operate with such confidence? Who of us lives life with eternal optimism for our future? Many of us are just the opposite – we sit around waiting for the “other shoe to drop” and actually expect Murphy’s Law to prevail. We even get uncomfortable when things are going “too” well.

I firmly believe that our words and our beliefs create life. They don’t describe life. They don’t reflect a reality ‘out there.’ They literally create the world we live in. So it might behoove us all to take this particular page out of Pete Carroll’s book and create it as our own … always believing that something good is about to happen to us!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!