TED* Thoughts

Anyone who has traveled on London’s Underground subway has seen the ubiquitous “Mind the Gap” signs.  It is a reminder to stay aware of the gap between the edge of the passenger platform and the opening to the subway car door.  Being mindful of the gap, travelers know to remain aware as they take their step.

There is another gap that calls for our mindfulness – and is the place in which, in the words of The Power of TED*, shift happens.  It is the “choice point.”

This gap has arisen in a couple of conversations over the past several weeks. The first was with Enid Moulder, managing director of the UK’s Harmony Partnership.  The second took place just a few days ago with Donna Zajonc, TED’s director of coaching and practitioner services (and my wife).

In the conversation with Enid, we were exploring how TED helps equip individuals to be mindful when facing a choice point.  She often makes the connection between TED and Stephen R. Covey’s “Proactive Model” and his observation that between stimulus and response there is a gap in which we have the freedom of choice – that is the choice point.

When we experience an unpleasant person, condition or circumstance (the stimulus), we can either react from the Victim Orientation or choose to respond from a Creator Orientation. We can react in one of the roles of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™ of Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer, OR we can make shift happen into the more empowered and resourceful TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™ roles of Creator, Challenger or Coach.

We have that capacity to choose – if we “mind the gap.”

The challenge is that the gap for choice, I learned from Donna, happens blindingly fast.  She had just returned from one of Portland State University’s classes in Interpersonal Neurobiology – part of a series she is studying and applying to the TED work.  The class topic was on mindfulness.  The instructor cited the research of neurophysiologist Benjamin Libet in the 1980’s that indicates that the gap between stimulus and reaction/response may be as little as .03 seconds (that is 300 milliseconds!).

It is in that blink-of-an-eye that we have the chance to catch ourselves and become aware that we have the freedom to make a choice in that moment.  Upon becoming aware of the opportunity to choose, we can slow down and consciously determine how we will respond.  As a Creator, we must be diligent to mind the gap between stimulus and response before we choose and take our next step.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This is the third in a “trifecta” of thoughts sparked by the reading of David Rock’s Your Brain at Work.  As mentioned all this week, his book on neurobiology and brain function is quite reinforcing of the ways of being, thinking and taking action that are the focus of The Power of TED*.

In the last post, we explored the importance of focusing on solutions rather than problems.  But there’s a catch when it comes to how solutions get generated and who “owns” the responsibility for coming up with them.

In the chapter entitled “When Other People Lose the Plot,” Rock points out, “Because problem-solving can be exhausting, it’s logical to want to conserve energy and head straight to solutions.  The difficulty with this strategy is that when trying to help some else solve a problem, people often end up simply providing a set of solutions to the other person…  The source of the difficulty here lies in who comes up with the solution.”

Jumping to solutions – specifically other people’s solutions – often ends up engaging the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT).  The person facing the problem or challenge is in the Victim role.  In offering solutions to them, you are either going to show up as a Rescuer (implying that they are not able to come up with an outcome on their own) or as a Persecutor (making them feel “dumb” for not having a solution).  When this happens, the chances are high that defensiveness will ensue and drama will unfold.

To support others in generating solutions from a Creator Orientation takes patience.

Rock continues, “Despite the inefficiency of giving advice, people rush to dish out solutions because waiting for someone to come up with their own ideas requires effort… You have to hold back your desire to solve the problem yourself, which takes inhibition, an energy-hungry process.”  

It takes energy to be a Creator and to support others in generating outcomes as either a Coach or a Challenger.  In both roles, it is essential to see the other as a Creator in their own right.  As a Challenger, you might say something like “I know you are capable of finding a solution here and I am happy to support you in that process.”

It is especially useful to move into the Coach role and to help them brainstorm outcomes and solutions by asking questions that helps them tap their own inner resourcefulness. 

One last quote from David Rock: “The more you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective… Instead of thinking about people’s problems and giving feedback or making suggestions, change can be facilitated faster in many instances if you think about people’s thinking, and help others think about their own thinking better.  However, letting go to the default approach to problem-solving requires working against the way your brain want to go…”

So, rather than jumping to solutions, engage your Challenger and Coach in supporting others in generating their own outcomes.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

As mentioned in the last post, I am in the process of reading several chapters in David Rock’s easy-to-read Your Brain at Work.  This book on neurobiology and brain function is SO related to the ways of being, thinking and taking action that are the focus of the fable in The Power of TED*.

The primary way of making “shift happen” between the Victim Orientation to a Creator Orientation in TED* is to shift your focus.   In the Victim Orientation the focus is on what you don’t want or don’t like (i.e. problems).  As we adopt a Creator Orientation our focus is on what we want to bring into being or move toward – in other words, on our envisioned outcomes.

Rock reinforces the importance of this in his chapter entitled “When Other People Lose the Plot:”

“The decision to focus on an outcome instead of a problem impacts brain functioning in several ways.  First, when you focus on an outcome, you prime the brain to perceive information relevant to that outcome, rather than to notice information about the problem. You can’t be looking for solutions and problems at the same time….” (Emphasis added.)

“When you look for solutions, you scan the environment widely for cues, which activates more of the right hemisphere of the brain… Activating the right hemisphere is helpful for having insights… When you focus on problems you are more likely to activate the emotions connected with those problems, which will create more noise in the brain.  This inhibits insight.  Whereas focusing on solutions generates a toward state, because you desire something.  You are seeking, not avoiding.  This increases dopamine levels, which is useful for insight.”

Creating outcomes certainly involves solving problems at times.  However, neurobiology supports the reality that putting your focus on what you want is more resourceful in the long – and more fun!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

My wife is quite a” student” of neurobiology and is frequently commenting on the implications of what we are learning about the brain and TED*.  (For more on this topic, see the Dr. Sharon Stanley’s videos, “How Victimhood Affect the Brain” and “Begin the Healing”.)

One of the latest books that Donna has read is David Rock’s easy-to-read Your Brain at Work.  One chapter she particularly pointed out is entitled “Derailed by Drama.”

In this chapter, Rock writes of importance of the limbic system, which he says “tracks your emotional relationship to thoughts, objects, people and events.  It determines how you feel about the world, moment to moment.  It drives your behavior, often quite unconsciously.”

In The Power of TED* the emotion that fuels the Victim Orientation is anxiety (or fear), while a Creator Orientation is passion-driven.  In the Victim Orientation, our intention is to get rid of – or move away from – the problems we face and, more importantly the anxiety that we feel.  When living and working from a Creator Orientation, our intention is to move toward and bring into being our envisioned outcomes.

Clients and workshop participants often report how much “easier” it is to just react to problems than it is to stay focused and persevere in creating outcomes.

David Rock describes why.

“The limbic system fires up far more intensely when it perceives a danger compared to when it senses a reward (from getting closer to an outcome).  The arousal from a (real or perceived) danger also comes on faster, lasts longer, and is harder to budge… The toward emotions are more subtle, more easily displaced, and harder to build on than the away emotions.  This also explains why upward spirals, where positive emotions beget more positive emotions, are less common than downward spirals…  Human being walk toward, but run away.”

This is a reminder that, in neurobiological fact, making shift happen from Victim to Creator – both in terms of the orientations and the roles in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) – is “simple, but not easy.”  The way toward living more consistently as a Creator takes walking forward a baby step at a time.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!