TED* Thoughts

Yesterday Christians around the world celebrated the birth of an awesome Creator named Jesus of Nazareth.  For millennia other cultures and faiths have had traditions and some sort of recognition and celebration of the “return of the light” (at least here in the Northern Hemisphere).

In the cycle of the seasons, from fall through winter darkness has reached its zenith and now the light has begun its ascent toward spring and summer.

Creation – and creating – occurs in all seasons.  In fact, creating draws from both the darkness and the light.

This recognition came to mind this morning during our “quiet time” and after reading the morning paper, which contained an article on the movie writer-director, Cameron Crowe.  Writer Jake Coyle asked Crowe about the source of his positivity toward life – including the experiences of times of darkness.

His reply was that of a Creator clearly taking a Creator Orientation toward life:

“It’s innate and a goal… to battle back the daily hurdles or the challenges and just say, ‘How can I turn this into a positive?’ It’s interesting how sometimes positivity is the door that opens to a greater understanding of how to deal with the darkness.”

We all experience seasons of darkness – it is part of the human experience and the natural order of Creation.  However, rather than succumbing and adopting the role of Victim and reacting to them as Persecutors, we can choose to unlock “the door to a greater understanding of how to deal with the darkness,” by responding to such experiences as Challengers that call forth learning and growth and resourcefulness.

That is what it means to grow through the darkness and into the light.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly (at least most of the time). It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT] ™) to TED* (* The Empowerment Dynamic) ™.  

Please help spread TED* through sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This past week I had the privilege and pleasure of facilitating a certification program for The Leadership Circle in the San Francisco area.  The cusomer service representative, who was very pleasant and attentive, always responded to my “thank you” with the reply “no problem.”  It reminded me of the following previous post.

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We are a problem-focused culture – and probably planet.  Just one look or listen of the news brings a litany of the daily blues and Challengers of the world.

One everyday example of our problem-centric mindset is the emergence over the past decade or so of the response of “No problem” that we often get when we thank someone.  (This may be an idiom particular to the particularly U.S.  – I really am not certain.)

The next time you are in a restaurant or the grocery or somewhere you are being “served,” notice what the response is when you say “thank you.”  There is a better-than-even chance that you will hear “no problem” at least as often “you’re welcome” (or some other affirming response).

Why do I have a problem with “no problem?”  Only that the language subtly reinforces the problem-focused Victim Orientation.  It keeps us psychological interacting around what we don’t want, which is a problem.

From a Creator Orientation, it seems to me that, in additional to the traditional “you’re welcome,” something that reinforces a positive outcome is in order (after all, we are thanking the other because of a positive outcome).  Responses like “glad you like it” or “happy to” or “it’s my pleasure” keeps the focus on what we want and like.

In the coming days, pay attention to how you respond when people say “thanks” to you and respond in the affirmative.  The subtle ways we use language can really influence the course of an interaction or conversation.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly (at least most of the time). It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT] ™) to TED* (* The Empowerment Dynamic) ™.  

Please help spread TED* through sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Years ago I had the privilege of serving on the board of trustees of my church.  Like a lot of spiritual communities, each year we would adopt a theme to guide our worship and activities.  Recently I came across an old sweatshirt with one of those themes:

“Participants in Creation: Committed to Spirit and Service.”

Not bystanders.  Not spectators.  Participants.

Every thought, every word, every deed is an act of creating – and creation. 

Even reacting is creating.  If we are reacting to what we don’t like or don’t want, we are reinforcing the Victim Orientation.  In so doing, we are quite likely creating, perpetuating or engaging the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™ (aka the Karpman Drama Triangle).  Whether Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer, we are participants in creating more drama in the world.

By adopting a Creator Orientation and focusing on what we want to create and how we choose to respond to our life experiences, we are participants in conscious living – and encourage others to do the same through our thoughts, words and actions.  As a Creator, Challenger and Coach, we lift our relationships to a more resourceful reality by engaging and participating in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™.

As we go through our week, let’s pause every few hours and ask ourselves: what am I participating in creating?

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly (at least most of the time). It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT]™) to TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)™.  

Please help spread TED* through sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope of ever having a better past,” the character of Ted teaches in The Power of TED*.  He goes on to say, “There’s nothing you can do to change the past, but you can choose how you think about what has already happened in your life. You then apply the learning from that experience to the process of creating what you care about.”

This is as true in forgiving ourselves as it is in forgiving another person or life experience.  The roles and dynamics of the Karpman Drama Triangle, or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™, can take place totally within yourself.  I don’t know about you, but I can be the Victim to my own internal Persecutor (i.e. Critic).  I can also turn to my inner Rescuer, who says something like “don’t worry about it – it’s OK.”

Self-forgiveness is on my mind a lot these days – most recently involving this “TED* Thoughts” blog post.  I normally write a posting and schedule it to go out Saturday or Sunday evening.  I did “not get to it” this weekend, for a variety of reasons, and I cannot go back into the past to write it.   

So here I am at noon on Monday, writing, creating and expressing what I care about, which is increasing my own (and others) capacity to be at choice and to grow into adopting a Creator Orientation to our lives – and learning from experience.

Creators cultivate compassion and gratitude for the human experience and for the lessons learned along the way.

Speaking of gratitude, in the United States this is the week in which we celebrate Thanksgiving Day.  On the one hand, it is a day and season of pausing and giving thanks and expressing gratitude for the bounty of blessings in life.  On the other hand, for some it can also be a time of drama as families gather.

If the latter is the case for you, this can be a time to practice forgiveness, cultivate compassion and to see the drama as a Challenger with lessons to learn – and past patterns to move beyond.  This begins by seeing the other as, ultimately, a Creator in their own right – whether they act like it or not and whether they know or own it or not.

Forgive – yourself, others and unpleasant life experiences – by giving up the hope of a better past and replacing it with hope of a better future through the choices you make as a Creator.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly (at least most of the time). It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT] ™) to TED* (* The Empowerment Dynamic) ™.  

Please help spread TED* through sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

I am more convinced than ever that drama is an inescapable part of the human experience.  There are always going to be times in which we encounter people, conditions or circumstances that can easily trigger and propel you into the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what we call the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT] ™) – and its roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

The good news is that, when you do find yourself in such situations, you can develop your capacity to shift from reacting to choosing.

As you seek to make the shift between from the reactive Victim Orientation to a more empowering and resourceful Creator Orientation, however, you will frustrate yourself if you expect that you are going to always (and in every situation) be successful. 

The way of forward progress is not an easy climb of continuous forward progress.  Oh, I wish that it were so!  Instead, it is a combination of steps forward – and even breakthroughs at times – and missteps that seem to impede your progress.

Living more fully and consistently as a Creator and cultivating your capacity to embody TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach in our relationships, is a process in which you will be engaged for the rest of your life.

My suggestion is to measure your forward progress through the practice of “Catch and Choose.”  When you experience some sort of misstep – unconsciously reacting to problems; feeling like a victim; attempting to fix and rescue another; trying to control a person or a situation – that is the time to “Catch and Choose.” 

The key is to “catch” yourself by becoming aware of being in a reactive state or role and to then shift your focus and “choose” a more resourceful response or role.  Ask yourself “What do I want to create in this situation?” Rather than rescuing, be of service as a coach.  Instead of controlling, perhaps take a stand for what you want and adopt the role of a Conscious Constructive Challenger.

For me, the measure of forward progress is based on “catching” myself more quickly (i.e. spending less time in a reactive space or role) and “choosing” sooner, more consciously and more effectively.

By practicing the process of “catch and choose,” you will find yourself spending more time in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic).

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“TED* Thoughts” is published weekly (at least most of the time). It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT] ™) to TED* (* The Empowerment Dynamic) ™.  

Please help spread TED* through sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!