TED* Thoughts

It must be Jennifer Waldron week here on “TED* Thoughts!”  Last night, she sent an email (thanks!) with the link to a most inspiring video of Nick Vujicic – which has been making its way around the internet.  (Only watch it when you can both laugh and cry!)

It reminds me of a quote included in The Power of TED*: “What determines your destiny is not the hand you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.”

Nick clearly faces the lifelong Challenger of the physical “hand” he was dealt and could have easily “folded” and legitimately lived out his life as a Victim and from the Victim Orientation.  Instead, he clearly has responded as a Creator and inspired adopting a Creator Orientation in others!

Many of us are holding and facing less-than-ideal “hands we’ve been dealt” these days.  Whether it is effects if the economy; health challenges; relationship challenges; or whatever – how we play the hand depends on how we play life.  Is it Victim or Creator?

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Shortly before the original publication of the first edition of The Power of TED*, I learned about the “other TED.” (Actually, at the time, there were two others – one was the ill-fated discount airline carrier of United Airlines.)

The other TED is absolutely awesome!

TED is an acronym for Technology, Entertainment and Design, which started as an annual conference for leading-edge thinkers in those three areas – and beyond – way back in 1984! Its’ tag line is “ideas worth spreading.”

While I have not had the opportunity to attend one of these premier conferences (though I know a number of individuals who have), I have taken the time to view a wide range of videos that are posted on their site.

One of my favorites – and a favorite of many (over 1.25 million views on YouTube alone!) – is Jean Bolte Taylor’s “Stroke of Insight.”  Her story is both fascinating and a supreme example of one who could have easily reacted to her experience as a Victim, yet was clearly in a Creator Orientation (and a scientist mindset), who learned from the Challenger that was her stroke.

Jean – and TED – reminds us that sharing our stories, our insights, and our “ideas worth spreading” is what being Co-Creators is all about!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Kathy found a great blog my Marelisa entitled “How to Build Your Tribe – Finding ‘Your People.’  It is a great reminder that, as a Creator, connecting with a community of practice or other co-creators that share similar passions is an important practice.

I am going to let her blog serve as a source of reflection.

Thanks, Marelisa!

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This weekend, Donna, her children, their partners and I will be hiking and camping along the Washington Pacific coast and into the Hoh Rainforest.  This is an outing that she has envisioned over the past year as a way of celebrating a certain significant birthday of hers that is coming up next month (I will not mention which decade she ventures into, but it is definitely a milestone).

What inspires me about her choice is that she is meeting the Challenger of aging – as all of us who comprise the Baby Boomer cohort are – as a time to learn, grow and test limits.  Rather than seeing age as a Persecutor, she welcomes with grace the realities of effects if time, while reaching for new ways to create health and wellness and vitality.

Happy Birthday (soon), Sweetie – let’s take a hike! (And thanks for the inspiration!)

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 “TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This week I am again privileged to serve as a Coach in the University of Notre Dame’s Executive Integral Leadership Program.  This is the 8^th year for my involvement through my association with The Leadership Circle.  I will sit with 5 Executive MBA students to debrief their Leadership Circle Profile – a powerful 360-degree feedback tool in which they gain insight into how they are perceived as a leader by those around them.

Experience shows that many – if not most – will take in this feedback through the filter of the Victim (or Reactive) Orientation.  For them, the perspectives contained in the Profile will reveal a set of “problems to solve.”  As described in The Power of TED*, in this mindset we focus on problems, which engage our anxiety and causes us to react.  The reactions will range from defensiveness to anger to fear that they are not effective – and they will want to do action planning to “fix” the flaws they see.

There will also be a handful who take in this precious information as a Creator, filtered through the Creator (or Creative) Orientation.  For them, they will see the feedback as a “snapshot in time” of what lies in the waking of their leading.  This picture of current reality will provide perspective on their strengths and what supports their leading, as well as what is inhibiting their effectiveness.  They will want to action plan in ways that continue to leverage the strengths, as well as plan for “baby steps” to enhance their effectiveness.

When you receive feedback – invited or not – how to take it in and respond?  As a Creator, honestly and candidly understanding current reality is vital for planning for action.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This is a special day in a number of ways.  First, it is the 9^th day of the 8^th month of 2010, so it is 8-9-10, as we track dates in the U.S.  You can make of that what you will.   :)

It is also the 90^th birthday of our dear friend – and “Gold Heart” Creator – Rae Cheney.  Rae is a remarkable woman in many, many ways and her story deserves to become a book (and may someday).  She is so vital and alive, my almost 30-year-old stepdaughter declares, “I want to be like Rae NOW!” (This was in response to the usual “I want to be like Rae when I am 90.”)

A most poignant part of her life story is how she – along with her daughter Jerilyn Brusseau – has turned sorrow into service over the past 40 years.  In 1969, Rae’s son and Jerilyn’s younger brother was shot down and killed while piloting a helicopter in Vietnam. 

This tragic turn of events could easily have turned the family into a grieving reaction rooted in the DDT (Dreaded Drama Triangle), seeing Dan and themselves as Victims and either the war itself or the Vietnamese as the Persecutor.

Instead, they took the response of a Creator to this deepest of sorrows.  Jerilyn and her late husband Danaan Parry, founded PeaceTrees Vietnam.  From their website:

“PeaceTrees Vietnam was founded in 1995 to renew relationships with the people of Vietnam and promote a safe, healthy future for its families & children.  We sponsor demining and mine risk education, survivor assistance, citizen diplomacy trips and community building projects in partnership with the people of Quang Tri Province.”

As the history posted on the website shares:

“The idea for PeaceTrees Vietnam arose from a desire to turn sorrow into service. In 1969 an American, Daniel Cheney, was killed when his helicopter was shot down in one of the southern provinces. His sister, Jerilyn Brusseau, was heartbroken that she had lost her beloved younger brother. Instead of turning her loss into anger and hatred, she vowed that one day when the war was over she would work to build bridges of peace and friendship between the American and Vietnamese peoples. She wanted to do all that she could do to help heal the emotional and environmental wounds of the war.”

Donna and I have visited PeaceTrees Vietnam and it is truly a place of love-in-action, healing and growth.

Rae has volunteered with PeaceTrees since the beginning:

“Considered the ‘heart’ of the organization, she does everything from helping with events to writing personal thank-you notes to thousands of donors, large and small.  A retired banking professional and mother of Daniel Cheney… she has dedicated her post-retirement life to the organization and supports its daily operations tirelessly with untold volunteer hours.”

Rae has made an extraordinary commitment to further healing by deciding to make her first trip to Vietnam next month.  Rae and her inspiring story will be the subject of this month’s “TED* Letter” newsletter.

Happy Birthday, Rae – and thanks for setting being such an inspiring Creator!

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TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

(This is another of the occasion contributions of Kathy Haskin – a member of Team TED* and Creator oriented [most of the time] parent of three marvelous teens.  Thanks, Kathy!)

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Everyone remembers family vacations, those shared times stored in our memories forever.  Feeling that pressure to make this year’s vacation memorable, I turned to our teenage son as we packed for our nine days in sunny California, “Please let’s get along and enjoy this week as much as we can.”

“I’ll have a good attitude if you do…” his response was simple and direct to the point.  This wasn’t really a statement of accountability, but rather an observation on how we as a family tend to interact. 

Our family dynamics can be reactive (this is a serious understatement).  There is no changing the react and response interactions within our relationships.  However, during our active days on this vacation, I grew to appreciate that this reactivity can be harnessed and turned to creativity if each of us is reacting and responding from a Creator Orientation. 

Reactivity is part of our reality.  However during this vacation I found that when I, as a parent, reacted as a Creator, Coach or Challenger, the response I often received from our teenagers encouraged other outcome-oriented approaches.  Rather than building tension, which often happens when one of us reacts from a role within the Drama Triangle, we built creativity and a great family experience by bringing TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) along on this vacation. 

For me, it came down to considering what was behind the complaint or reaction.  It is important to take that second to recognize that “why do we have to eat Mexican food again?!” was not a reflection on the menu choice, but rather a call out to be part of the decision as we head toward our next meal.  My next step should have been to ask “what is it you really want?” 

Asking a question, looking further at the actual reasoning behind the complaint, often kept me in an empowerment dynamic role and away from a drama role.  Of course come complaints have more obvious sources.  “This sand is HOT!” was true and a reflection of the intense sun in California.  Just kick away the top layer of hot sand and you have a place to stand. However “this line is taking forever!” turned out to be our daughter’s fear that we would not have time to see everything at Sea World.  Once we realized what was behind her complaint, reassurance that there was plenty of time in the day helped us all escape the impending drama.  It doesn’t hurt to ask, either aloud or in your mind, “What do they want?”  This repeatedly kept me in the right place to respond well. 

Yes, nine days delivered some drama with two parents and three teens together at all times.  But it was the times that we were truly enjoying and creating together that I will remember for a very long time (long after this sunburn fades).    Pack wisely on your next family vacation.  Don’t forget to chose the right TED* responses, along with the proper sunscreen. 

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Donna and I went into our vacation/holiday with the intention of lots of rest, relaxation, reading – and to engage in a few adventures and things we had never done together.  We white water rafted, biked, danced, dined, and hiked.

The small airport nearby had a “fly in” where a number of private pilots flew their planes in for a car and airplane show.  One pilot had an old bi-plane in which he offered 20 minute rides.  Flying in an open cockpit, bi-plane has been a dream of mine since I was a little boy.  Donna urged me to give it a try.  My response was that I wanted her to go along for the shared experience.  With some trepidation, she agreed.

As we taxied down the runway and took off, she took one look outside and virtually never looked out again.  While I was experiencing pure pleasure, she was in sheer terror. 

While Donna was a good sport about it (after she regained her composure), as we processed the “shared experience,” our lesson learned is that one person’s pleasure may not be another’s “cup of tea.” 

In living life as a Creator, it is important to take this reality into account.  That which you might feel passionate about creating may be something that another is not particularly interested in co-creating.  Had I been more sensitive, I might have suggested she look at the cars while I fulfilled my childhood fantasy. 

While we may invite others to join us in creating, we also need to honor the diversity of perspectives and realize not everyone will want to fly with us all the time.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

This is the first day back from 10 days of “Sabbath time” – that time in the U.S. which we call vacation and that much of the world refers to as being on holiday.   

Returning relaxed and rejuvenated, the time of rest reminds me of the sacred notion of Sabbath.  Many spiritual traditions recognize – even mandate – a day or a period of time to rest and reflect.  The word Sabbath derives from the Hebrew “Shabbat,” which means “to cease.”

As a Creator, we must remember that there are times to “take the foot off the gas.”  Otherwise, it is a pretty good bet we will end up burning out and losing our capacity to bring into being our envisioned outcomes.

So, take some Sabbath time yourself today.  It could be taking a quiet leisurely walk somewhere in nature; drawing and soaking in a nice hot bath; or just sitting for an hour and letting the world go by.  Sometimes the most powerful action we can take is to stand still.

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“TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!

Do you know that you can translate a message in Outlook with a few clicks of your computer mouse?  We didn’t, until a couple days ago when we received a message that was written in Swedish.  Try as we might – and with only a distant memory of German from 2 years of study in high school – there was just no way to make out what the message was saying.  About all that was discernable was that it referred to some dates.

Then, quite by accident, a right click of the mouse showed an option to translate.  Lo and behold there is a way to translate from many different languages into other languages.  So we highlighted the message, set the options to translate from Swedish to English and – magic! – there in the right hand column appeared the message!  While it was not a perfect translation, enough was there to make it clear that it was an “auto-respond”, “out of office” message.  It was generated upon receipt of the July, 2009 issue of the “TED* Letter.” (“Addicted to Drama – Part II”).

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could so simply “translate” the thoughts and intentions that drive the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) easily into expressions of The Empowerment Dynamic (TED)?  Perhaps if we listen deeply to someone who is reacting as a Victim, we can translate their complaint into an understanding of their deeper commitment and to what they care most about as a Creator.  Maybe, when one turns to us as a Rescuer and wants us to “fix” them, we could translate that desire for solutions by becoming a Coach and helping them find their own way – with our support.  Perhaps a Persecutor could translate the intention behind their challenge by speaking to the learning they are hoping to spark – thus becoming a conscious constructive Challenger.

With practice – LOTS of practice – we can grow into translators for ourselves and others as we learn to speak more fluently the language of TED*.

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 “TED* Thoughts” is published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*].  Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment.

To the Creator in you!