I am more convinced than ever that drama is an inescapable part of the human experience. There are always going to be times in which we encounter people, conditions or circumstances that can easily trigger and propel you into the Karpman Drama Triangle (or what we call the Dreaded Drama Triangle [DDT]™) – and its roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.
The good news is that, when you do find yourself in such situations, you can develop your capacity to shift from reacting to choosing.
As you seek to make the shift between from the reactive Victim Orientation to a more empowering and resourceful Creator Orientation, however, you will frustrate yourself if you expect that you are going to always (and in every situation) be successful.
The way of forward progress is not an easy climb of continuous forward progress. Oh, I wish that it were so! Instead, it is a combination of steps forward – and even breakthroughs at times – and missteps that seem to impede your progress.
Living more fully and consistently as a Creator and cultivating your capacity to embody TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach in our relationships, is a process in which you will be engaged for the rest of your life.
My suggestion is to measure your forward progress through the practice of “Catch and Choose.” When you experience some sort of misstep – unconsciously reacting to problems; feeling like a victim; attempting to fix and rescue another; trying to control a person or a situation – that is the time to “Catch and Choose.”
The key is to “catch” yourself by becoming aware of being in a reactive state or role and to then shift your focus and “choose” a more resourceful response or role. Ask yourself “What do I want to create in this situation?” Rather than rescuing, be of service as a coach. Instead of controlling, perhaps take a stand for what you want and adopt the role of a Conscious Constructive Challenger.
For me, the measure of forward progress is based on “catching” myself more quickly (i.e. spending less time in a reactive space or role) and “choosing” sooner, more consciously and more effectively.
By practicing the process of “catch and choose,” you will find yourself spending more time in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic).