“Forgiveness is giving up the hope of ever having a better past,” the character of Ted teaches in The Power of TED*. He goes on to say, “There’s nothing you can do to change the past, but you can choose how you think about what has already happened in your life. You then apply the learning from that experience to the process of creating what you care about.”
This is as true in forgiving ourselves as it is in forgiving another person or life experience. The roles and dynamics of the Karpman Drama Triangle, or what Ted calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™, can take place totally within yourself. I don’t know about you, but I can be the Victim to my own internal Persecutor (i.e. Critic). I can also turn to my inner Rescuer, who says something like “don’t worry about it – it’s OK.”
Self-forgiveness is on my mind a lot these days – most recently involving this “TED* Thoughts” blog post. I normally write a posting and schedule it to go out Saturday or Sunday evening. I did “not get to it” this weekend, for a variety of reasons, and I cannot go back into the past to write it.
So here I am at noon on Monday, writing, creating and expressing what I care about, which is increasing my own (and others) capacity to be at choice and to grow into adopting a Creator Orientation to our lives – and learning from experience.
Creators cultivate compassion and gratitude for the human experience and for the lessons learned along the way.
Speaking of gratitude, in the United States this is the week in which we celebrate Thanksgiving Day. On the one hand, it is a day and season of pausing and giving thanks and expressing gratitude for the bounty of blessings in life. On the other hand, for some it can also be a time of drama as families gather.
If the latter is the case for you, this can be a time to practice forgiveness, cultivate compassion and to see the drama as a Challenger with lessons to learn – and past patterns to move beyond. This begins by seeing the other as, ultimately, a Creator in their own right – whether they act like it or not and whether they know or own it or not.
Forgive – yourself, others and unpleasant life experiences – by giving up the hope of a better past and replacing it with hope of a better future through the choices you make as a Creator.