The feeling of desire is tricky. On one hand, desire generates passion and helps you create what you really care about.
On the other hand, if you obsess about something you want, your desire can become a craving or even have an addictive quality that screams: “I have to have it… now!”
Desire can pull you forward toward what you want or it can push you into the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™, feeling victimized by the wanting and persecuted if you don’t get it.
At the heart of desire is wanting something you don’t have. Last week we wrote about the importance of setting your intention first, then goals. We heard from readers that it is difficult to always know their intention. That’s because most people have been taught to simply set goals to get ahead in life. Goals, though, without clear intention can become an obsessive craving.
The question becomes: Are your desires built upon your intention to “complete” you and compensate for your inadequacy? (Feeling like a Victim to what you believe you lack.)
Or: Is your desire based upon your wholeness and your natural gifts that want to emerge and be expressed? (Your true essence as a Creator.)
Desire can be a friend to a Creator and a foe to the Victim. As you appreciate this delicate balance, be mindful of whether your desire is contributing to growth and creating, or is desire just feeding the cycle of craving and wanting more and more.
Try this experiment to understand the subtle yet powerful energy of “wanting:”
Think of something you really like or want and set it in front of you on your dining room table. (For Donna, that would be a delicious piece of dark chocolate.) It might be a picture of a new car, new clothes or the corner office. As you sit at the table looking at the object or picture, observe the sensation of desire as it arises in you. What is it like for you to sit still, observe the object of your desire and not allow yourself to have it? Notice the “felt sense” of the wanting.
Desires are emotional states you can feel in your body. You can feel the sensation of wanting as it rises and passes through your body. A craving begins when the sensation gets stuck and your mind is fixed upon the object as the only thing that will make you happy in the moment. You see the world only through your craving mind that says: “I have to have this desire fulfilled now to be happy.”
During the next week, we encourage you to go through your day and notice how the desire of wanting never stops. The pattern of desires includes small things, like another cup of coffee, or bigger desires, like wanting a different job.
Notice your relationship with the smaller and larger desires. Are you able to allow the desire to move through you as a temporary feeling? Or, does the desire take you over and become a craving you must have?
Please appreciate how difficult it is for human beings to want something and not allow the wanting to become a craving. The paradox of desire is that it can lead to self-centered wanting or it can empower and enrich your life as a Creator.