In the last three “TED* Works!” issues, we explored each of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. This week we begin a similar series covering the TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™ roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach, which are the antidotes to the toxic DDT roles.
The journey from Victim consciousness to Creator consciousness is not always easy, nor does it travel along on a straight line. We prefer to think of it as a continuum, with your center of gravity gradually moving closer to the empowering roles.
As you make the shift from the DDT to TED* roles, you are upgrading your “internal operating system” by adopting a Creator Orientation. Therefore, the central role in TED* is that of Creator which is the antidote to the Victim role.
Last week we described the Victim’s “deficiency story,” of feeling not enough or insufficient. When living as a Creator, you upgrade your deficiency story to a Creator story. This upgrade is not a small shift. In fact, it may be the most profound shift you make in your life because it will alter your relationship with yourself, loved ones, co-workers and all of life.
David was once asked what the central principle of being a Creator is, to which he replied, “Creators choose choice.” So how does one shift from reacting to choosing; from deficiency to sufficiency?
You begin by affirming your true essence as a resourceful, creative and whole human being. You also uphold and see these same qualities in all others, viewing them as the Co-Creators they are.
We see three primary beliefs that are foundational for the Creator to choose choice.
Choice #1: I am sufficient, whole and complete.
We encourage you to take a moment and rewrite your deficiency story into your Creator story.
We learned the following process from Fr. Richard Rohr that can help you begin this transition:
Think of a negative phrase you have said aloud or thought to yourself that comes from a sense of shame rather than your inherent dignity. Turn it upside down and say, in first person, present tense, an affirmation of your (Creator) value. For instance:
“I am unlovable”…… “I am infinitely loved.”
Or, “I am a problem in the world…….”I am a gift and solution in the world.”
The Creator “knows” deeply their true essence as love and wholeness for themselves and other Creators.
Choice #2: I am responsible for choosing my response to life.
If you believe you are whole and complete it stands to reason that you no longer view yourself as at the mercy of life’s events. You can now choose your response.
Viktor Frankl, who survived three Nazi concentration camps writes in his amazing book, A Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
As a Creator, you can learn to pause and be aware of the space that exists between the incoming stimulus and your response. This awareness builds your capacity to be at choice, rather than simply react to the drama of the moment.
Choice #3: Even with set-backs and struggles, I focus on continuous learning.
When you take responsibility for your response to life’s events, you spend less time and energy trying to change situations that you can’t control. Once you accept that you don’t know how things are going to turn out, there’s new energy for learning and growth rather than resisting “what is.”
Now, as a Creator, you can focus on what you desire in life—what rocks your world and what you are truly grateful for. With this new orientation to life, set-backs and struggles become learning opportunities – what we call Challengers – and you are no longer a Victim to life’s challenges.
When in the Victim role, we humans run on an egoic-operating system where everything is about “me” and the win-lose paradigm. Once you begin to recognize that this is a false image of life that divides reality into “us vs them” and a “right or wrong” paradigm, you yearn for a more satisfying way of living.
You can choose to relate to others, yourself, and life with a whole new operating system based upon your ideal—or Creator self.