At a critical time in my life, I faced all of the realities that the character David faces in the story. I had lost my dad at a young age, whom I was close to. Within a few months I learned I was medically infertile and unable to have children and I had always dreamed of having a family. As a result of my infertility, my marriage dissolved. I felt sad and victimized by my biology and life circumstances.
While working with a psychotherapist (a healthy choice when facing such challenges in life), I learned about the Karpman Drama Triangle and its roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer.
Everyone can get trapped in that Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™ and get so entangled that they end up switching roles — the Victim pushes back and becomes the Persecutor, the Rescuer becomes the Victim when their good suggestions are not followed and on and on. This dance of drama made so much sense to me!
My experience of being “trapped” and learning about the Drama Triangle was the first step to asking for help and yearning for a more positive way of living.
Then one fateful morning I was sitting engaged in what I call my “quiet time”—-a blend of inspirational reading, prayer, silence and contemplation. A moment of surrender surfaced that morning and I said to the God of my understanding, “I am ready to surrender my victim stance in the world, but I need to know what is the opposite of Victim?”
Immediately the word “Creator” came into my awareness. While I did not actually “hear” a voice, I can understand how some could say they do. My eyes flew open and I drew a deep breath. It was an utterly unexpected personal epiphany.
That morning began the journey that eventually led to TED*.
Looking back, many seemingly miraculous meetings and events took place—too many to detail here. I can attest to the famous observation made by W. H. Murray — The Scottish Himalayan Expedition :
“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.”
By asking what is the opposite of Victim, the epiphany of Creator, Challenger and Coach evolved. Over a dozen years ago I met Donna Zajonc, my wife, business partner, and the “Mom” of TED*, who first encouraged me to take that personal epiphany and begin to share it with others.
Together the three empowering roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach that make-up TED*—*The Empowerment Dynamic ™—emerged over time. With the help of a gifted editor, the story of The Power of TED* developed and the first edition of the book was published in 2006.
As I committed myself to learn more about my own relationship drama, and step into the TED* roles in my life and with others, I began to ask the question: “How does our drama begin in the first place?” It is in this exploration that both Donna and I share what we are learning and our own human experience.
It pleases us to hear that as we share stories each week, the insights have helped transform lives, marriages, work teams, entire organizations and most importantly, how you relate to yourself.