If you stop and listen, it is amazing how many voices we have in our heads. We all do. It’s part of the perplexing human experience and sometimes it is confusing to know which voice to listen to. We have discovered that our Victim voice tends to yell, while our Creator voice whispers.
The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™ includes the three roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer, and is both internal and external. The internal triangle is our relationship with ourself. The external DDT describes how you relate to others and your external circumstances.
Your internal DDT voice can be harsh, loud, and very self-critical toward yourself. Here is a recent story about how Donna discovered there is a very different tone to the voices.
Donna loves flowers and cultivates her small flower garden. Recently she was walking in her favorite part of our city that has beautiful views, with large homes and gorgeous gardens. As she was walking along the remote road, looking at the flower gardens on one side of the road and views of the mountains and water on the other side, she heard a screaming voice say: “You will never have a flower garden as beautiful as these. Your home is small and your yard will never look this good.”
The demanding Victim voice continued: “You should just go home because you feel bad when you see everyone’s garden that is so much better than anything you will ever have. Walking in this neighborhood is torture. Why keep torturing yourself?” With that she turned around and headed home.
About a dozen steps from her car she heard a whisper: “You love this walk. Stay here and shift your focus to the beauty of a single flower.” That whisper of a voice was her Creator appealing to the better part of herself and the beauty of all things.
Fortunately, she listened, turned around and had a fabulous afternoon. The experience obviously made an impact upon her, since it led to her awareness that her Victim voice yells; her Creator voice whispers.
It is important to remember that each of us have all three DDT roles inside of us, as well as the three positive alternative roles in TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic)™ of Creator, Challenger and Coach. The question becomes, which voice do you tune-in to?
The DDT is based upon fear that you’re not good enough, strong enough, lovable or successful and a belief that things must be hard, complex and certain. In other words, the internal DDT voice uses fear to motivate and get your attention.
The Creator in you is based upon love and a higher sense of good. It is your softer side that trusts in mystery and actually wants you to use your intuition as guidance. The whispering Creator says: “Take it easy. Trust yourself. Focus on what you care about and you’ll find your way.”
Your thoughts are like radio signals that you can’t see but are throughout the ethers. Your mind acts like an antenna that latches onto certain waves. The DDT roles are loyal to a radio wave of fear and control.
Your TED* roles are loyal to a station of empowerment — toward yourself and others — and latches onto language and an attitude that doesn’t need to win or dominate. It has a quality of truth and well-being, even when life is challenging.
Pause, listen and tune-in. Which internal voice do you hear? The more you practice really listening, the more you will hear the whisper of the Creator.