Relating to others as a Creator is relatively easy when they are being respectful and kind. But what if someone is playing one or more of the roles of Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer, which make up the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™? Even worse, what if the other is being a “jerk?” How do we see the other then?
A friend and colleague, Mark R. Jones, CEO of the Sunyata Group, offers a practice that is a great framework for developing compassion and seeing others as a Creator. Mark had the opportunity years ago to meet with the Dalai Lama and asked him for advice on how to teach peace in the world. The Dalai Lama responded that all people want and need three things, which is to be:
Mark calls this the HSL (or “Hizzle”) Practice.
One feels heard when we can feed back to them the content or essence of their perspective or what they are saying. We listen for understanding and hear the other, even if we disagree with their perspective. It’s as simple as saying to the other “here’s what I hear you saying;” feeding back a summary of what they said and asking “did I understand you correctly?”
One knows they are seen when we give them our undivided attention, putting aside our phones, or other distractions. While we might interact with someone who is playing a particular role in our lives, a clerk, co-worker, customer, or a loved one, we relate to them as a person rather than just a role. They will feel our authenticity and our holding them as a Creator.
We can love and respect others, even when we do not like them because of what they are doing or how they are acting. If we genuinely show love and respect to all human beings, regardless of our differences, they will feel this genuine caring when in our presence.
This brings us back to learning how to relate to others as Creators even if they are acting like a jerk. They may act as a Victim, a Rescuer, or a Persecutor, but they are a Creator – whether they act like it or not. All you have to do is hear them, see them, and love/respect them. The more you make this a conscious practice, the more you will find the more they respond to you as a Creator– eventually!