The reactive ego is the driving force in most of our lives. It’s similar to a preschooler who wants the starring role in their school play. It wants attention!
But why does the reactive ego want to star on center stage?
The journey of the reactive ego starts during the first couple years of life. Think of yourself as a lovely newborn baby. While your capacity to think was limited, your undeveloped mind knew you were dependent on others to take care of you. You cried when hungry or uncomfortable so others would meet your needs
Your young ego figured out it had a good thing going and developed a brilliant strategy to get what it wanted. As your self-centered ego got more of what it needed to grow, it split away from your true Creator ego that anchors TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)™. Your reactive ego had to split from your Creator ego to get stronger and find new and more complex ways to get its needs met.
By the age of two, the small ego noticed that it was different from other people. In its own mind, the ego established itself as separate and apart from other human beings (think of the terrible twos). The ego, especially if there was trauma or unhealthy early childhood experiences, declares: “Okay. It’s me against everyone else.”
Once this split occurred, the world divided between “me” and “other”. The positive side to the separateness is that you focused on your own needs, which allowed you to grow and survive. The downside is that your reactive ego got stronger and insisted on being the drama star.
What we love about the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™ is that it identifies the ego’s primary reactive roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer that originally helped us to survive and grow. The simplicity of the DDT helps us to see them in action. But as mature adults we long to rewrite our script and allow new roles to emerge.
Our ego gets uncomfortable when we change the plot. It’s been center stage for a long time, which explains why it is so difficult to shift out of the DDT into the TED* roles.
The TED* roles are alternative starring roles and the essence of who we really are. In our mature adult years we want more freedom and ease in work and life than our reactive ego can supply. The Creator in all of us wants to emerge. We can update our earlier reactive strategies, once we see them on stage, and learn to shift into empowering roles. It takes a lifetime of practice to stop and observe the reactive ego in action—then allow your Creator self to star in your new life story.