Do these examples sound familiar to you?
- You have a great idea percolating inside you. When you think about sharing your excitement with others, you worry that it might sound ridiculous. Plus, (you tell yourself) it would never happen anyway.
- You have a project due in ten days and you want it done right. You see time as your enemy and shut down other ideas to make sure the project gets done.
- The family is going on vacation and your to-do list is a mile long. You stay up until 3 AM working by yourself to get everything done.
You may identify with these examples or you may have other situations that prevent you from asking for what you want.
These scenarios are aligned with the three roles embedded in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™. In the first, the Victim thinking and the inner critic says your idea isn’t worth consideration. Even if it were, you aren’t worthy of experiencing success. No wonder you don’t ask for what you want!
If “command and control” is your primary strategy to get something done, others may see your style as Persecuting. Your controlling strategy will get the project done, but won’t help you connect with others and hear their creative ideas, which is what you really want.
When pleasing and being helpful is your path to feeling worthy, then you must focus on the needs of others. Asking for what you want runs counter to the Rescuer’s identity.
As we become more familiar with how the DDT is active and alive in us (David and Donna), we have learned to notice our sub-conscious drivers that guide our behavior in the moment. This is sometimes a complex mishmash of all three roles depending on the situation.
Sometimes we don’t feel worthy (Victim) of getting what we want, other times our controlling need to be right (Persecuting) prevents us from connecting, which is what we really want. Frequently it is our desire to please others before ourselves (Rescuer) that diverts our own needs. All three strategies inhibit us from asking for and receiving what we most want.
The only reason we get more in life is if we ask for more. Creators, the central role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)™, know that asking for and focusing on what we most want in life does not take away from others. Nor is it selfish or self-centered. On the contrary, our true essence as human beings is to ask for and receive our greatest good. We want it for ourselves and everyone else.
If unconsciously you see yourself as unworthy to receive what you want, you will see others as unworthy of having what they want. If you don’t believe you should have your deepest desires fulfilled, you won’t believe others should have their desires fulfilled either.
Asking for what you want is a signal that you see yourself as a Creator and worthy to receive your highest good. It is also a magnificent symbol of your belief that you want all others to also have what they most desire.