In the last few essays we have outlined the qualities a Coach brings to a relationship. To be a Coach in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)™ does not necessarily mean being a professional coach. Anytime you feel yourself drawn into rescuing others in a way that may disempower them from taking responsibility for their own lives, you can choose to shift into the Coach role and use the power of reflective questions to help support their clarity.
The Coach embodies what is often referred to as “presence” – bringing the quality of full attention to the moment and the other person. Presence means letting go of the past and any judgments you may have made about the person or situation. Presence also means avoiding jumping to the future or worrying about what might happen. Being fully present is a choice. It requires stopping and saying to one self – “I choose to be fully present in this moment.”
Presence is an intentional process. It is a skill that requires practice, because it is so easy to be triggered by unseen forces that pull you back into reactive behavior. Only by deepening your attention to the moment – bringing your full and undivided attention to the present – are you able to be with others and yourself.
It is difficult to be present if your mind is lost in an endless stream of anticipating what might be said, or judging what has already occurred. It is also counter intuitive to our multi-tasking life style in which we pride ourselves on doing more than one thing at a time.
When you can empty yourself and allow full presence, you experience a powerful new access to curiosity. If your thoughts wander, you can gently bring them back to the present moment. Being in the present is a powerful and spacious way of life. Questions and inquiries as a Coach arise from the moment that may not have been previously available.
Choosing to be present brings you toward an intimate and compassionate way of relating to yourself and others. Once there, you can partner with others as a Coach. Rather than judging or jumping in and rescuing them, you will be able to listen fully, and be curious about what matters most to them.