Being resentful or unable to forgive and forget can be a lot of work. As we enter the holiday season of Thanksgiving here in the US, it is likely you, or someone you know, will be visiting family or friends where old drama stories are still running your life or their life.
When a hurt has occurred, and we feel it has been inflicted upon us by another person, it is natural to feel the festering of the open wound. If we cannot forgive and forget past hurts our Thanksgiving experience will be less than fulfilling.
By withholding your ability to forgive and forget, you are remaining a Victim to the situation or event that caused the hurt.
Inauthentic forgiveness interrupts your ability to genuinely experience gratitude. You might speak the words of forgiveness, as though you are bestowing understanding or tolerance from a noble place of power and higher motivations. However, many times forgiveness expressed from that place does not really include letting go and forgetting what happened. It actually can keep you feeling “one-up” and maybe even “high and mighty” (which is a quality of the Rescuer in the DDT).
If you continue to hold a grudge, you can easily become a Persecutor to both the other person and yourself by keeping the negative energy alive – whether that energy is outwardly expressed or only held within your own mind and spirit.
When you hold blame or resentment and are unable to forgive and forget, your spirit can become bitter and fearful. With this as your inner emotional state, you are seeding the anxiety that fuels the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™. This bitterness hurts you more than anyone else.
There may be many reasons why you hang on to your resentments and say you can’t forget. You may say that your experiences won’t be validated unless it is relived again and again. An obsession with fairness may compulsively drive the need to keep the flame of the injustice alive. Or you might assume that to forget means to be OK with what happened.
What we know about forgiveness, as the character Ted explains in The Power of TED*, is that “forgiveness is giving up the hope of having a better past.” Forgetting is letting go of the “hope” of righting the wrong.
You never know the motives or situations that are behind another person’s victimizing words or behavior. All you know is, as a Creator, you have the power to choose your response to a difficult situation or person.
The reward comes when you are liberated from the obsession of what happened. When you let go of the scorecard, you can nurture the Creator in yourself and, perhaps, begin to see it in the other.
You will never experience the freedom from your own DDT if you do not forgive and forget. As you put down the mantel of judgment and resentments, know that you are creating an opening for gratitude to arise.
Give yourself this gift in this season of Thanksgiving by forgiving, forgetting, letting go, and shifting your gaze from the past to the present and look to the future in which the best is yet to be!