At the heart of the TED* roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach is love and appreciation for others. Co-Creators are genuinely interested in the views of others while still expressing what is true for them.
Fear, however, is the emotion that drives all three roles of Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor that make up the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™. The most common strategy Persecutors use to manage their fear is to attempt to control situations and people. If they are in control, they tell themselves, they will feel less fear and anxiety.
One way Persecutors use control is to let everyone know their opinion is the only one that matters. You may have unwittingly moved into the persecuting role when you defend yourself or judge others for their faulty logic. Even if you don’t think you play the persecuting role, notice when you are highly attached to your point of view.
If you discover you frequently are arguing that you are right, especially about the little things in life, the Persecutor is taking root in you. Developing your own opinions is part of becoming an individualized Self. But when needing to be right is a habit, this default tendency will slow your shift from the DDT to the more resourceful TED* roles.
One tip for the Persecutor to let go of the need to be right is to “go against yourself.” Intentionally take the opposite position when you feel the need to be right. This will be very uncomfortable at first—which is the point of the exercise.
Notice what it feels like to move away from your opinion. Observe what it is like to be quiet, genuinely listen to others and consider the view from a broader vantage point.
For well-practiced Persecutors, this can be a highly uncomfortable experience. It is in this discomfort that you will learn how attached you are to your need to be right—and your need to control fear, anxiety and uncertainty. Be on-guard for your need to control the emotional discomfort you may feel. Continue to “go against yourself” and you will be amazed at what you learn from this simple, yet profound exercise.
By going against yourself, you will begin the journey from the Persecutor role toward the more resourceful TED* roles of Creator, Challenger or Coach. Creating a more positive approach will be well worth your extra effort!