Your brain believes what you tell it.   Your thoughts and the words you use to communicate result in a physical substance flowing through your nervous system.

For example, if you repeatedly tell yourself that a work project will not go well, there’s a good chance your nervous system will produce chemicals that correspond to your fear and anxiety.  If you express gratitude and appreciation for yourself and others, dopamine and oxytocin are released into your system and the substance of your physical body changes.

Your brain believes what you feed it.  It doesn’t know any better, so it shifts into high gear to match your speech.  Therefore, by closely listening to the words that come out of your mouth, you will get a clue to how you are relating to yourself and life.

The central role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® is that of Creator.  This is the part of you that accepts your true essence, your higher self.  When you embrace that you are a Creator, your speech becomes more empowered.

The opposite of being a Creator is the disempowering Victim role—-the central role in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT).    “We all play these reactive roles from time to time.   The secret to a life well-lived is catching yourself sooner in the reactive DDT roles, and shifting into the more empowering TED* roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach.  Observing your language will support the shift from drama to empowerment.

Here are a few common Victim phrases to listen for:

“I have to……(fill in the blank)   “I can’t do…..”  

By saying you “have to” or “can’t,” you are denying that you have a choice in the matter.  Your choice may be a narrow one, and yet, you always have a choice.

Instead try this language:

“I choose to……” or  “I want to…..” or “I will.”   

When you hear yourself say:

“I should do this or that.”  

Shift to Creator language:

“I could do ….” or  “I am going to….”  or  “It’s an opportunity to….” 

Another way we limit ourselves is when we use the word “but” as a transition. “But” discounts the first half of the sentence and has the potential to put us into the role of Persecutor to another (or ourself), by using blaming or critical language in the second half of the sentence.

If you say, “I love you, but I don’t like the way you (fill in the blank).”  What the other person hears is the complaint in the second half of the sentence and not the positive words in the first half.  Instead, simply make a clear statement, based upon what you want.  Drop the buts!

When feeling less than powerful, and not in your full Creator self, it is easy to use what we call “less-than language.”  A few examples of less-than words are: “just” or “actually” or “maybe.”   These disempowering words soften your requests and signal to others you will take less than what you really want.

As “Recovering Rescuers,” we are both keenly aware of using these less-than words when we are trying to please each other.   An example might be Donna saying to David: “Actually, I would like to go to the movies, but not sure you really want to.  I am really okay with just watching TV.”   Can you hear the disempowering energy in that language?

Now listen to how a Creator speaks to what they want:

“Honey, I would like to go to the 7:30 movie tonight and see the new movie (fill in the blank).  I would love it if you would go with me.”   Now that is a powerful request!

By noticing your language, you can develop a deeper awareness of the beliefs behind your words.  When you use Creator language, you wake-up to your true self and undermine your false self.