In a recent phone conversation with Diane Dennis about next fall’s Charter TED* Practitioner Program, she made a statement that has continued to stay with me. We were talking (no surprise) about the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and its roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Specifically, we talked about how many people who are in the “helping professions” often unwittingly enter into their field from the perspective of a Rescuer.
Then Diane threw in this zinger: “One of my favorite statements is ‘I will rescue you, if you…’ (and then fill in the blank).”
“I will rescue you, if you…”
- will love me
- will stay with me/not abandon me
- see me as “right”
- see me as a hero
- acknowledge how smart I am
- “shape up and fly right”
- see me as a good person
- do what I want you to do
And this is just a top-of-mind list!
A Rescuer often is operating with an unstated “bargain,” which is what the “if you…” is all about. It is usually not even conscious on their part. And – here’s the “kicker” – when the person they are seeking to rescue (i.e. a Victim) does not follow through on their end of the unstated the Rescuer then assumes the Victim role. And the drama continues.
What is you experience? How would you complete the sentence, “I will rescue you, if you will…” How might have the rescuers in your life completed the sentence?