People often ask about tips to putting The Power of TED* into practice on a daily basis.  In response, I developed the 7 Daily Practices. These seven relatively simple – though not always easy – daily disciplines will increase your capacity to live as a Creator and cultivate TED* roles and relationships.

4.      Ask first, tell second

Many of us have a tendency to offer advice or to tell people what we think they should do.  That is the way of the Rescuer. In an attempt to fix, do for, or take care of another – however well intentioned it may be – a Rescuer is nearly always in a “tell” or “do” mode.

“Asking first” anchors us in the role of Coach. A Coach asks good, genuinely inquisitive, and powerful questions that helps the other person (whom they see as a Creator) to clarify the following:

  • outcomes they want to create;
  • possible responses to a situation in which they find themselves;
  • the current realities that support and/or inhibit their ability to achieve their outcome(s); and/or
  • possible baby steps for moving forward.

By asking first and, then, if necessary offering suggestions or perspectives, we support the other as a Creator, holding them as capable and resourceful – whether they know it or not or whether they act like it or not.


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