(People often ask about tips to putting The Power of TED* into practice on a daily basis. In response, I developed the 7 Daily Practices. These seven relatively simple – though not always easy – daily disciplines will increase your capacity to live as a Creator and cultivate TED* roles and relationships.)
6. Speak to What You Want
Don’t be seduced by the Kinship of Victimhood, in which we collude with others in perpetuating the “gee, ain’t it awful” perspective of the Victim. This kinship keeps us firmly focused on what we don’t want and don’t like, which is deeply rooted in the Victim/Problem Orientation.
Instead, as a Creator, speak to choices and to what you want. Stay focused on the outcomes you are creating and/or how you choose to respond to a situation. If someone complains or tries to entice you into the “kinship,” speak to what it is that they care about (as Robert Kegan says, “Behind every complaint lies a commitment”). For instance, if they complain about the weather, perhaps you can respond about how one can deal with the heat (or cold). Also, encourage others to speak to what they want to create in their lives.
In order to stay in a Creator Orientation and centered on outcomes, you may need to reframe a problem that you, or the other person, face. For more on problem reframing, see the May, 2010 issue of the “TED* Letter.”
By speaking to what you want, you will be much more empowered and resourceful – for yourself and those with whom you interact.