Solving a problem works really well when you need specific information. If your computer isn’t working, you need concrete information about how to get it working again. If you have the wrong address for an appointment, that’s a problem. You need the correct address. Life and relationships are far more complex. When it comes to […]
Drama is something that everyone experiences. Have you ever wondered why that is? Let’s start at the beginning and ask: How does our drama begin in the first place? The simple, yet complex, explanation is that all of us as human beings learn and develop strategies to get what we want as children and to […]
A few months ago, Donna returned from the grocery store with several bags of groceries in her car. David came out of their home to help her with the bags and she immediately declared, “Nope, I don’t need any help.” David went back into the house. Over the next few days Donna reflected upon why […]
When driving an unfamiliar car, one of the first things you may do is adjust the mirrors, looking for the car’s blind spots. Like a car, your mind also has blind spots. The mind’s blind spots are a way of narrowing what you can take in. You can’t notice everything or you would be on […]
In last week’s essay, we suggested a specific tip to interrupt your reactive, drama-filled behavior by “Naming 5 Red Things.” That tip was focused on how you can limit your drama. What about being with others when they are having a “drama attack?” What do you do? What do you say? We have several suggestions, but […]
The Persecutor role in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) uses control and domination to take charge of a situation. Persecutors may show up in our lives as people, or they may also be conditions (such as a health issue) or situations, (such as a natural disaster). Regardless of the form, the Persecutor dominates the time […]
We have been putting off writing this newsletter. Okay, that is supposed to be a joke and there are plenty of procrastination jokes out there. Did you hear about the procrastinators club that never met? Or about the author who planned a book on procrastination but never wrote it? For those who routinely procrastinate, the […]
There’s a fine line between being helpful and over-functioning. Once you slip into over-functioning mode, you don’t have a choice to act. Your craving to act becomes an urge, almost like an obsession. In this fast-paced world, many of us “over-do” and become vigilant about what might go wrong. As soon as we sense a […]
We have noticed that some days both of us can complain a lot. The complaints might be about everyday things, such as not sleeping well, we’re out of our favorite coffee, or bigger complaints about the state of the world. We have also noticed that every time we complain, there’s a little voice inside of […]
Picture this scene: You are rushing out the door from work heading to soccer practice to pick up your young daughter. Your boss catches you and says, “We really need your project report in the morning.” “Sure” you say, “it’s all but done. See you tomorrow,” and you keep running to your car. On the […]