The feeling of desire is tricky. On one hand, desire generates passion and helps us create what we really care about.
On the other hand, if we obsess about something we want, our desire can become an attachment or even have an addictive quality that screams: “I have to have it now!”
Desire can pull us forward toward what we want, or it can push us into the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™, feeling victimized by our wanting.
Learning to recognize the subtle seduction of desire is essential so that we can leverage it to choose what we want and avoid being controlled by craving and wanting.
Try this experiment: think of something you really like or want and set it in front of you on your dining room table. (For Donna, that would be a delicious piece of dark chocolate.) It might be a picture of a new car, someone playing golf, or new clothes. As you sit at the table looking at the object, observe the desire arising in you. What is it like for you to sit still, observe the object of your desire and not allow yourself to have it?
Our recommendation is to appreciate how difficult it is for all human beings to want something and yet not allow the wanting to persecute or victimize you. The paradox of desire is that it can empower and enrich our lives and can also lead to suffering and egocentric wanting.
At the heart of desire is wanting something we don’t have. The question becomes: “Is my wanting based upon my intention to fill me up and compensate for my inadequacy?”
Or: “Is my wanting a desire to respond to my wholeness and my natural gifts that want to evolve and to be expressed?”
There is wisdom in understanding the two faces of desire. Desire can be a friend to the Creator and a foe to the Victim. As you appreciate this delicate balance, be mindful of whether your desire is contributing to growth and creating, or just feeding desire.