(This is a “rerun” of a guest blog from Kathy Haskin, who is an invaluable member of the TED* team. It was originally published on September 23, 2009. Kathy’s primary “practice field” as a Creator is in her leadership in her family.
We are republishing it for two reasons. First, it is the most widely read “TED* Thoughts” to date. Second, it is an opportunity to introduce another writing Haskin – daughter Tess. She has written a marvelous article that applies TED* from a teen’s perspective.
Thanks Kathy and Tess!)
Collapsing on the couch for affect, Mom vented her exhaustion and frustration with the day, “I need an abundance of simplicity in my life!”
The teen-daughter offered a solution. “Perhaps if you used smaller words…”
With wit, came insight. The solution to mom’s/my exhaustive, complicated days was perhaps a matter of simplification. What do I actually want? That is what I should be spending my time pursuing.
Where do I place my Attention? During my most exhausting days I hit “survival mode,” handling the victim’s problems, getting everyone to every place on time. But is that what we should be creating as our toddlers walk through teen and subsequently young-adult years?
Next is my Intention. “In the Victim orientation,” the book explains, “your intention is to get rid of, or away from, your problems.” Calling out for help, for simplicity – those are my reactive requests. “In the Creator Orientation your intention is to bring into being the outcomes you envision.” What do I, as a parent, want to help create for our children? I want them to see all that life has to offer. I want them to see themselves as capable and lovable individuals. Our full days provide a full array of opportunities for each of us to explore our potential in the world.
And finally, Results. Here The Power of TED* distinguishes the difference between the problem-based Victim and the outcome-oriented Creator. The Victim’s results are temporary and reactive; the Creator produces satisfying, sustainable results over time.
After a long day I want my attention to be on my intention to guide our children to the results that will empower them throughout their lives. That is parenthood, creating outcomes for our children and ourselves.
(“TED* Thoughts” is a published three times a week [at least most of the time]. It is intended to offer reflections and applications of The Power of TED* in order help facilitate a shift in worldview and relationship dynamics from the Drama Triangle [or the Dreaded Drama Triangle] to The Empowerment Dynamic [TED*]. Please help spread TED* by sharing this “TED* Thoughts” and by contributing your own thoughts by posting a comment. To the Creator in you!)