“I get taken care of when I take care of others.”
That statement was made by a participant in yesterday’s workshop in Australia. She was describing the “Complying” reacting structure of The Leadership Circle Profile.
Inherently, she was also giving voice to the hope – the “bet” – of the Rescuer in the Dreaded Drama Triangle. The underlying assumption and belief of those whose identity is that of Rescuer – as described in The Power of TED* – is that their worth and place in life comes from taking care of, or fixing, others. If that is the case, then the Rescuer MUST have a Victim in their lives to fulfill their “purpose” and to feel worthy. Then, by taking care of others, the bet is that it will result in their be taken care of.
That, my friends, is a “bad bet.” What typically happens is that the Rescuer rescues and either the Victim reaches a point where they no longer need rescuing or the Victim reacts – eventually – to the Rescuer as a Persecutor because of the Rescuer’s reinforcement of the Victim’s powerlessness. In the former case, the Rescuer feels abandoned, in the second situation they feel misunderstood and actually persecuted by the Victim they were seeking to rescue. In both cases, the Rescuer then becomes a Victim.
And the Dreaded Drama Triangle goes on.
If we want to be of help and support to others, it is much more effective, resourceful and empowering to make the shift from Rescuer by adopting the role of Coach and to cease betting that rescuing leads to one’s own fulfillment.
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