If you stop and listen, it is amazing how many voices we all have in our heads. It’s part of the perplexing human experience and sometimes it is confusing to know which voice to listen to. We have discovered that our Victim voice tends to “yell” while our Creator voice “whispers.”
The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) includes the three roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, and is both internal and external. The internal triangle is our relationship with ourselves and how we interpret what is occurring in our lives. The external DDT describes how you relate to others and your outward behavior to external circumstances.
Your internal DDT voice can be harsh, loud, and self-critical. David shares today a recent story about how he learned to hear the whisper of his Creator voice.
A huge project for us over the past couple of years has been writing and publishing 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama, plus creating the curriculum for the newly launched 3VQ Trainer Certification. Much time and energy went into designing and producing the materials for the 3-day workshop.
We asked participants in the first two workshops to share any typos they found so that, when we invest in the final printing, it would be “perfect.” The changes were made and I told myself: “The third time will be the charm and all the materials will be neat and tidy.”
But they weren’t. In the next workshop several more typos were uncovered by the supportive and committed participants.
At the end of the first day of the workshop I felt victimized by the missed errors and my “inner Persecutor” voice got triggered and screamed: “You are so inept with details and these materials will NEVER be right!”
Once back at the hotel I became withdrawn and, admittedly, had an extra glass of wine as a “Rescuer” from the anxiety of feeling like a Victim to the mistakes and my inner Persecutor that kept yelling at me.
The next morning Donna made an off-hand comment that further triggered me. I verbally lashed out at her (my inner-Persecutor became an external Persecutor to her). The morning did not start in an empowered space!
During our workshops we started the morning with a “check-in” process where participants share insights they have had from the day before. Before the check-in, I went for a short walk around the building.
I paused and took a deep breath, which allowed my Creator voice to gently emerge. It whispered: “Reflect on last night and observe how stuck you have been in the Inner DDT and how it showed up as a Persecutor to Donna.” This was my inner-Challenger compassionately inviting me to step back and to learn from the experience.
During the morning check-in I shared this story, apologized to Donna and thanked the class for being co-Creators by improving our materials for future classes.
Each of us have all three DDT roles operating inside of us, as well as the three positive roles in TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic)® of Creator, Challenger, and Coach. The question becomes, which voice do you tune-in to?
Your thoughts are like radio signals that operate at different frequencies and volumes. Your mind acts like an antenna that latches onto certain waves.
The DDT roles are tuned into a radio frequency that screeches and shouts at you, using fear to motivate and get your attention.
Your TED* roles are tuned to a station of empowerment, resourcefulness, and resilience toward yourself and others. It has a quality of truth and well-being, even when life is challenging. It is your softer intuition that will guide you if you listen.
As you pause, listen, and tune-in to the whisper of the Creator, you will select wise choices in response to its beckoning.