(This is another of our occasional guest blogs.  This one continues in this week’s “theme” of Creators as Victims.  David Dadian has been a consistent TED* fan.  He writes of his sense of loss from the death of his childhood friend.  David, thanks for sharing and to the Creator in you!)

There will be times throughout our lives when even the most successful of Creators (those of us striving to live in the Creator Orientation) will fall victim.  Perhaps at times unwittingly and then at times pushed face-first and head-on by a force unseen and with such power that any initial resistance would be futile. The passing of someone close to us can thrust us all into the Victim Orientation – not by choice, but by circumstance.

I know, because I find myself there after the recent passing of my childhood friend. I am a Victim in that I have lost a dear friend, I also a find myself as a Persecutor, persecuting myself for missed opportunities to spend more time with him while he was here.

As young children, we did what most friends do growing up – sports, games, fishing and getting into mischief. As young adults we continued to do the same things and branched out to find ourselves, test ourselves and of course do some pretty stupid stuff (nothing that would endanger others, just things that most others would not have the intestinal fortitude to do.)  We thought of ourselves as especially brave, others might have thought especially stupid! But we lived on the edge for the excitement and rush of the moment. We did things that put our minds and bodies to the test, we were fearless and yes we were invincible. There wasn’t anything or anyone that could deter us from doing something once our harebrained scheme was in play. We challenged, coached and created, (sound familiar?)
As adulthood came upon us (later than for most of you), we became responsible citizens and parents. This brought about some changes in our demeanor but, deep down, we fought to keep that renegade spark aflame. We moved further away geographically and, with the pressures and craziness of modern day life, did not get to see each other as much.  We spoke regularly on the phone and tried to keep each other up to date on things.
The day came about 18 months ago when I received his call. There had been a 3 month lapse since we last spoke and I was now being told of the reason… brain cancer!  I said, “I am on my way!” His reply was “no, I don’t want you to and you can’t see me like this, give me a few more weeks to heal and look more myself.”  The weeks turned to months.  We planned to get together and, when we finally did, it was great to see him and, to my surprise, he looked and seemed himself. We talked about things, reminisced and just had a fantastic day.
Over the next few months he would call, there were days he sounded himself and days he struggled… but he pressed on. We came up with a plan to get a few of our other childhood friends together and go out to dinner – a plan that would never come together.
By the time I visited him in Hospice, he was non-responsive. I spoke to him, reminiscing about the days of our youth, I couldn’t tell if it was me or a reaction to something else but he began to breathe heavier. I couldn’t get him to acknowledge my presence otherwise. It was the last time I was with him. He passed away Saturday, September 26. We never made it to dinner!

You see, Bobby became a Victim not by choice but by circumstance.  His victimization spread to others around him who loved him and each of us to some extent became our own persecutors for one reason or another. That is our cross to bear.
Yet he stayed, to the end, in a Creator Orientation and, in his passing, that is greater than the victimization we feel. His example serves as a powerful Challenger as we now struggle to accept the reality of his passing. His memory also serves as a fierce Coach, encouraging us, by his nature, back into our Creator Orientation- because that is the way he was and that is the way he would want it.

Forever Friends, Friends Forever!

Please follow and like us: