One of Donna’s clients recently shared an awareness about how he “lives” in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™. He is a high level executive who recently learned about the DDT and alternative TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™ roles. The epiphany he had was that when he feels stuck or confused he continues to hope for a Rescuer, even when he realizes one will never show up.
We thought this insight was powerful because of the impact it had on him. Once he observed himself looking for the Rescuer it dawned on him, “If I am looking for a Rescuer, that must mean I am thinking and acting like a Victim.” (Read more about how Victims look for Rescuers).
This successful business leader did not initially identify with the Victim role. Like so many people we meet, he would say, “I am not a Victim and even resent the idea of that label.” Yet his new awareness stopped him in his tracks. Like the characters in Samual Beckett’s famous play, “Waiting for Godot” by waiting for a rescuer to help him when feeling stuck or confused, he realized he gives his power away to the hoped-for-rescuer that never arrives (just as Godot never arrives).
The effect of the looking – or hoping – for a Rescuer strategy is that we don’t take responsibility for what is ours to do. This unconscious habit can be quite debilitating because we do not access our own power and ability to take one Baby Step forward. Doing so, we deny our own resourcefulness. Once we stop and see that there is a step we can take, no matter how small, we own our responsibility to take action. We stop looking for the Rescuer and focus on being a Creator.
One of the surest ways to shift from Victim to Creator is to take responsibility for what is ours to do. We stop comparing ourselves to others, believing they know best and will save us. By moving beyond the idea that others know better or that a Rescuer will rush in and save the day, we focus our attention on what we have to offer.