We are sure you have noticed the constant voice chattering inside your head. As I (Donna) write, the voice inside my head sounds like this:
“It is my turn to write this week’s essay. Why did I wait until the last minute? Sometimes I write better when I have a deadline. No, I hate deadlines if I feel rushed, plus I want to model slowing down to avoid slipping into the drama roles. I don’t feel very authentic right now. I’d better come up with something fast and make it good.”
When you start noticing your own internal voice, what is most obvious is that it never shuts up! It also takes both sides of the conversation, but usually it just rambles. It wants to talk and talk and talk. Most of what it says is meaningless and a waste of your time and energy.
So, what’s the point!?
One possible point is that your internal narrative can help you feel more comfortable with the external world. Like a backseat driver, it helps you to anticipate or reflect upon life’s events. Another reason is that you recreate your world inside your own mind because you can control your mind but cannot control the outside world.
About two years ago, I was enjoying an afternoon walk along the southern shoreline of our beautiful Bainbridge Island. I noticed the internal dialogue more than usual, probably because it was a beautiful afternoon and I had no apparent reason to judge anything. I stopped to listen:
“Look at the huge thorns on the blackberry bushes. Those thorns hurt when I reach for the berries. I wish I had brought a bowl to pick some. I need new bowls. I saw some in a catalogue last week. Darn those catalogue companies. I hate how much paper they waste.”
I stopped in my tracks and asked: “What is this chatter about?” When I asked that question I realized there was another “I” listening in on the conversation. There was an “observer I” that was not participating in the meaningless chatter.
Your true self is the observer self—-the one that hears the internal dialogue. In TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) ™ we call the true self that is listening, the Creator in you. However, if the voice inside your head is critical and judging, it most likely is stuck in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) or the inner–DDT.
It became clear to me as I reflected upon the afternoon walk, that my chattering voice was trying to create a stronger sense of “Donna as self.” By judging and commenting, my ego was trying to build me up to feel better about the outside world. This, of course, is an unsustainable process that causes more insecurities and eventually a false sense of self, which sometimes sounds like: “I am not enough” or “No one loves me.”
There is nothing more important to shifting out of the inner-DDT than knowing you are not that voice inside your head. Your true self is the inner-Creator that hears that voice. You won’t stop the voice from talking (it never shuts up!) but you can moderate how much your inner-Creator listens to the DDT voice.
To help cultivate your true Creator self, learn to pause, stand back and observe the chatter. You don’t have to believe or act on all the voices inside your head. You are the one—-as a Creator—-that notices the chatter.
As you listen, simply allow the thoughts to flow and move on. This standing back creates a separation and nurtures your Creator that wants to grow and become the stronger and more conscious aspect of your true self.