I am sure you have noticed the constant voice chattering inside your head. As I write this essay my (Donna’s) voice sounds like this:
“David is traveling so it is my turn to write this week’s essay. Why did I wait until the last minute? Sometimes I write better when I have a deadline. No I feel rushed and we want to model slowing down to avoid slipping into the drama roles. I don’t feel very authentic right now but I’d better come up with something fast.”
When we start noticing this constant voice, what is most obvious is that it never shuts up! It also takes both sides of the conversation, but mostly it just rambles. It just wants to talk, talk, talk. Most of what it says is meaningless and a waste of time and energy. What’s the point? Why do our human minds work this way?
About two years ago, I was walking along the shore here on Bainbridge Island and noticed this internal dialogue more than usual, probably because it was a beautiful afternoon and I had no reason to judge anything. I stopped to listen:
“Look at the huge thorns on the blackberry bushes. Those thorns hurt when I reach for the berries. I wish I had brought a bowl to pick some. I need some new bowls. I saw some in a catalogue last week. Darn those catalogue companies. I hate how much paper they waste.”
I stopped in my tracks and asked: “What is this chatter about?” When I asked that question I realized there was another “I” listening in on the conversation. There was an observer “I” that was not participating in the meaningless chatter. I realized that other “I” was my true self.
Your true self is the one that hears the internal dialogue. In the TED* work we call the true self the Creator in you. All the other voices come from the reactive psyche that is figuring out how to manage life. What was clear that sunny day is that the chattering voice was trying to create a stronger sense of “Donna as self.” By judging, commenting and chattering about the outside world hopefully her inside “self” would be more individualized.
The voice inside your head is built upon fear that you are not enough. By constantly commenting, this voice is trying to create a more distinct you but, instead, it triggers the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™!
You won’t stop the voice from talking (it never shuts up!) but you can moderate how much your Creator-self pays attention. To help reduce the internal DDT voice, learn to pause, stand back and observe the chattering. This standing back creates a separation and nurtures the Creator “self” that wants to grow and become the stronger aspect of your true self.
There is nothing more important in learning to shift your center of gravity from the DDT into TED* than realizing you are not the drama voice constantly chattering away. Your true self, your Creator self, is not the one chattering aimlessly, it is the self that is listening. Taking a moment to pause and observe allows the Creator self to distance itself from the drama voice so you can go back to enjoying your day.